Karena...

Aku memilih untuk diam
Bersembunyi
Di balik selimut yang menyamankanku
Menyamarkanku dari serbuan serbuan hingar bingar
Peninggalan masa masa di mana aku selalu mabuk dan tak pernah sadar
Dan dalam mabuk aku pernah menjelma menjadi lebah yang bersarang di dahan sebuah pohon
Aku bermandikan madu, susu, dan ganja
Ketika ku sadar, aku sedang menggali kubur
Aku membunuh dia yang tubuhnya sudah membusuk
Menyisakan jazadnya dan energi pembunuhku
Mereka menyublim menjadi anakku
Dia kini berterbangan dalam dimensi pikiran kita
Menusuk nusuk dengan tanduknya, tepat pada mimpi dan letupan-letupan birahi
Dan aku pun pernah merajut kata kata
Menyimpannya dalam sebuah toples kosong
Menguburnya tepat di samping kuburnya
Setelah itu aku kembali menyelinap di balik selimutku
Adakah yang pernah kalian ketahui sesungguhnya dari makna-makna ucapanku ini?
Akulah ratu dari kerahasiaan
Bukan ratu dari kepura-puraan

Karenanya, aku memilih untuk diam

Satan's Scars

 
The Satan of me is the darkness of my layers can be

and see my blood stain on my gracious white dress

Smell the white lily decorates my treasure box

It is I, who carve your door with my poisoned dagger

Can u find my shadow?

It lingers within your sins

My tears fall

Beautifully on your scars

aduh sakit

daaammmnnnn
gigi bungsu gue tumbuh lagiii

FFfffffuuuuu!!+_%&**%%#%($@!!*&!!^%%ccckkk!!!!!

Cairo City - Egypt. Sept 13, 2007

This is the "must visit" place when u travel to Egypt...

Climbing Mt. Sinai (Part II of the blog)

the highest peak! At last I'm there!
The beauty is beyond words can tell...

On the top of mt.Sinai, the Moslem, Christian, and Jews share the place together, praying in their own way of beliefs. Separated, but magically united by the atmosphere. I can hear the Ukrainian orthodoxes people singing such a heavenly song in a choir. People talk and pray in their own language, and move in their own religious cultures. It's not just the beauty of Mt.Sinai who captured my heart, it's everything. the harmony. the soul of all the diversity that merge there. At that moment, I know that God doesn't speak in a certain language, a certain faith, or a certain religious culture. God speaks in a divine beauty of the diverse nature, and we're all part of it.

These are all the picture I got. The battery of my camera was low. Please mind me, and I'm not a professional photographer.

Dendam Pada Ksatrianya

Buih buih letupan itu kian menggangu. Memang harus yah kau sisakan sedikin percikan itu untukku? Aku nyaman dengan ini, dan tidak ingin gangguan lagi. Biarkan saja mereka bertukar cairan dengan leluasa, tokh itu bukan urusan siapa siapa. Di sini aku menyaksikan dan tersenyum, membiarkan jemari jemari mencoba menterjemahkan lukisan kata-kata yang tercerai berai di udara.

Hi hi hi.. sungguh tontonan itu menyenangkan bukan? Lalu apa bisnisku dan bisnismu di sana? Biarkan aku sendiri dan bebas melihat apa yang aku mau lihat, apa yang mau aku tulis, apa yang mau aku muntahkan langsung dari tenggorokkan soak yang menggerosok lambung, atau langsung dari dubur penuh kremi itu.

Kadang-kadang hidup ini memang bisa sama busuknya dengan bau bacin di selangkanganmu, dan hidup itu bisa segar sesegar darah dari kambing muda yang baru kau sembelih pagi itu. Tidak ada yang riang dan tidak ada yang tidak dapat kau tidakkan di sini kan?

Tahukah kamu kalau aku bisa menjelma jadi nenek keparat yang jahat, dan aku bisa menjelma jadi putri salju yang belum ternoda dengan selaput dara yang tentu saja masih utuh, siap kau tembus dengan pedang berbisa itu. Tapi saat ini aku memilih untuk tidak berbuat apa apa, membiarkan semua muntahan-muntahanmu berceceran di mana-mana. mengotori tubuhku, mengotori bajuku, mengotori kemaluanku, membiarkan baunya semerbak tercium teman-temanku. Aku tidak punya muka, tidak seperti kau. Aku memilih untuk membiarkan diriku terbenam dalam mencret dan muntahmu meskipun aku bisa membersihkannya dengan parfum mesir desert of the night yang katanya magis itu. Ya, aku biarkan saja aku membusuk dalam kata-katamu, meskipun aku juga bisa membalasmu dengan racun yang lebih beracun darimu. Aku bisa membunuhmu dengan keangkuhanmu sendiri, kesombonganmu sendiri, kelakuanmu sendiri yang selama ini tidak pernah kupercikkan sedikitpun pada tubuhmu.

Kau mau tahu kenapa? Karena aku tidak sepertimu.

Biarlah busuk di tubuhku ini mengendap. Ini lebih baik dari pada kau yang memakan muntahan dan mencretmu sendiri.

ha, dan kau pasti masih mengira bahwa tulisan ini diperuntukkan untukmu!
aku hanya mengembalikan cermin yang pernah kau berikan kepadaku. silahkan, berkacalah wahai ksatria...

Climbing Mt. Sinai in Egypt (Part I)

It's been a long time since I last open the Old Testament. One of the most popular biblical stories in it was how Moses led the Israeli out of slavery in Egypt. On September 11 2007 (yeah, it was exactly the date, 6 years after the 9/11) I flew to Egypt in my pilgrimage tour to the Holy land. I arrived on Sept 12, exhausted of sitting all day and night in the plane, and started the tour right away around the Cairo city. Cairo was very nice, especially the pyramids... it's humongous! However, it is Mt.Sinai who has stolen my heart.

On Sept 13, after another 5 hrs ass-locked-up on the couch, we arrived on Mt.Sinai. It was already 8p.m, so I wasn't really aware of the scenery, it's all dark. The food was terrible, the bed was worse, I haven't had enough rest and I had to wake up 1 a.m in the morning to climb mt.Sinai, the mountain Moses climbed and received the Ten Commandments from God. I didn't expect much, and it was just an optional tour, so I was actually able to skip the late night tour and get some rest. But I thought, I'm in Egypt, I should do everything to the fullest, I must try everything, including climb the 4000m high rocky mountain.

So there I was, woke up in 1am, washed my face and brushed my teeth, covered myself up with thick clothes, drank a lot of hot hot hot coffees, and ready to go.

I arrived at the 1st stop where everything was dark. I can smell the ugly camel poop. The Bedouins (The nomaden tribe from Arab Emirates) was all around speaking the unknown language. I was with Indonesian group yet I feel lost, especially in translation. I traveled with my mom, and such a shame for me to admit that we were on a group tour. Our friends in a tour were mostly the oldies, so most of them think that they couldn't make it to the top of Mt.Sinai, finally it was just the 8 of us, and I as the youngest of all.

We walked around 200m to the camel station (I call it a camel station since there're lots and lots of camels there, lining up like taxis in a hotel's front desk) I've been waiting for around 30minutes until I got my camel. Riding the camel was quite tricky; especially to hop on it, but the "camel guy" helped me. I almost fall at first but I succeed in my 2nd try. My tour leader already warned us that the track to climb the mountain was very small, and we'll be separated from the group since it's impossible for the camel to walk together. So there I was, separated from the group and especially my mom, I was much ahead. Only me, my camel, and the camel guy.

The sky was as dark as the black velvet. About thousands of stars felt very near above me. I can easily spotted the northern star, and I finally noticed the rocky mountains of Sinai. It looks like a big giant genie with lots of wrinkles on his face, very scary yet beautiful. We aren't aloud to use our flashlight since it could give temporary blindness to the camel, so the only lights came from the stars. The left and the right of the track is the rocky hills. Thanks God I can't see it because of the darkness, I know that it would be very scary. I know I could fall. My life depends on the camel.

After riding the camel for 1and a half hour, I arrived at the 2nd stop. I had to park my camel there and continue the journey by foot. It's still a long way to go and I've been warned that the track will be narrower. I waited for the rest of the group (and my mom of course), drank a cup of $1 hot cocoa, chat with another tourist from Colombia. Then I walk.

I noticed that there were some people wearing black robes and funny hat juts like in the old movies. I talked with one of them and he said that they were people from the Ukrainian Orthodox Church. Some of them were very old, but they had the courage to climb.

Then I walked. In the velvet darkness

I walked.

I slipped a little bit.

But then I walked again.

And I walked. I had walked for about 1 and a half hrs already.

The group stopped to much, they stopped every 20 steps. That's it. I can see the sky getting pinkish and I know soon the sun will rise. I really have to reach the peak before the sun rises, or else I could miss the best part. So I left my group and ran to the top.

The local guide told me that the top was only 5 mnts away. And there I lost my breath. I was dehydrated. I left my bottle of water in the 2nd stop since I don't want to carry anything, I need both of my palm free of holding anything to help myself climb up the mountain freely. The windy chill was getting into my skin and my bone. I felt my heart pumping like a 5000watt speaker in a live rock gig. But the sky was getting more pinkish and pinkish and I don't want to miss a thing, not a bit. So I kept climbing.

And there I was. On the top of mt. Sinai, right before the sunrise…

*to be continued, pics coming up...*

Holyland, Sept11-20 2007

Jkt-AbuDhabi-Cairo-Mt.Sinai-Jerusalem-Tiberias-Amman-AbuDhabi-Jkt

Egypt

Israel

Palestine

Jordan

 

 

Home sweet home

 

Surprises and something new for me:

1. Guide gw di Israel org Palestina, agamanya khatolik, calon pastor

2. Ternyata gue ke Palestina juga (Bethlehem & Jericho)

3. Di Palestine ada kurang lebih 20% orang Kristen Protestan dan Khatolik.

4. Di mesir juga ternyata banyak, tp cuma 10% dr populasi.

5. Ternyata, ada 2 versi data tentang dimana yesus di salib, tp gw lebih percaya sama datanya org Anglican Inggris krn lebih masuk akal...

5. Di sungai Jordan, tempat tepatnya Yesus dibabtis jaman dulu sekarang penuh dengan ranjau darat bekas perang Israel dengan Jordan

6. Ternyata gue sanggup mendaki gunung sinai, hehehe

7. Ternyata makanan2 di middle east enaaakk....

 

Most amazing experience: Climbing Mt.Sinai to the highest top of it (4000 m)

Things bought: Jerusalem cross and david star

Feelings and thoughts after the pilgrimage:

1. I feel sad, because of the war

2. I prayed more often, for the world peace (And I feel like Miss Universe already)

3. I stop stereotyping the Jews and the Arabs, and Middle East in general

4. I'll be back to Middle East again, one day, not with a tour, but backpacking (I already spot a nice youth hostel in Jerusalem's old town)

5. Setelah ke Holyland, ada lah 20% pendalaman rohani dan keimanan buat gue, dan sisanya pendalaman sejarah... and now I hope for peace in the middle east...

Darah di Mahkota Duri

Dalam simbah keringat darah di antara tangis

Duri duri yang membelah sekat kulit dan mata

Dan di tanganku tertanam matanya

Di kakiku tertembus paku-paku

Magisku dan magismu

menjadi pusaran ombak di langit-langit dan membelah lidah api yang termimpikan malam itu

Darah di mahkota duri

Datang saat langit membelah gurun dan bintang utara

 

Abu Dhabi, 19 Sept 2007 11:46 p.m.

 

 

captured moment: my bestfriend's writing

nosa is a friend of mine, i've known him since 2003. I still remember the moment captured in my mind of how we first met, along with other 40 freshmen of English UI year 2003. He looked like the "rejected" version of Nikolas Saputra. Maybe when God wanted to create Nicolas Saputra, God mixed the wrong liquour... and there he goes... Nosa Normanda. Nicolas Saputra gagal, tapi dibuang sayang..

a year later, along with Asep and Edy, Nosa and I formed a band, foolishly named "wonderbra"...  Then we have the feeling of  this silly "sisterhood" in this band... we do this not only because of our love for the music, but also our love for our friendship.

nosa is such a great writer, he is very talented. He always chooses the right analogies and symbolism, he really good at it. And in this blog, I proudly share to you guys... his writing about our 1st album launching party at colours cafe... the original version. The event was held 5 months ago, yet he sure knows how to express the thrill of the event through his writing. Enjoy!

Launching "Crossing The Railroad"

By: Nosa - wonderguitar

Gue ngomongin launching album, dengan foreplay sebagai berikut:
Ironis. Gue sendiri dah lupa kapan Wb launching album pertama nan ca'ur: soundnya ga mateng, mixingnya kurang bagus, sleevenya salah cetak, dan yang paling salah, produsernya nekat nyetak 1000 keping dengan pemasaran yang acakadut. Hooo...

Tapi ga bisa dipungkiri album tersebut adalah hasil kerja keras kami-kami yang waktu itu masih 'young and stupid'. Sekarang mah, qta udah 'quite old and...drunk'. ...'and stupid'. The second thing is a good thing though;] hiks.

Kembali ke launching. Acara tersebut terselenggara atas dukungan provoke! magazine, dan kerjasama 2 pihak: manajemen wonderbra dan label LIMI.

manajemen Wonderbra bantuin menggalang dana dan mencari koneksi untuk band-band yang akan main di acara tersebut. Walaupun pada akhirnya urusan mencari koneksi dilakukan dengan charm, kegaulan, dan availability Thera, sehingga berhasil membuat teman-teman  sperti Stupid Robotic Killing Machine, Stereomantic, Zeke and The Popo, Afamous, dan band cadangan  yang sangat kami  hormati dan sangat berhutang budi, Rumput Laut, sudi  main.

Manajemen Wonderbra yg terdiri dari Eric, Manan, dan Sisie berhasil menggalang dana, wartawan dan tenaga dari teman-teman FIB (khususnya anak-anak kansas dan jurusan Filsafat) untuk membantu jalannya launching tersebut. Dua di antara para bala bantuan, yaitu Aya dan Claudia, berhasil membuat meja penerima tamu menjadi 'manis'. Sebenarnya konotasi manis tadi agak negatif, karena ketika band main, tamu-tamu cowok yang gatel malah pada sibuk godain mereka berdua, Thera kalah pamor...

Belum lagi dua MC Gila yang jago improvisasi: Mr. Wolfgang dan Mr...oops, Ms. Hani. Bayangin, ketika cd promo abies, mereka bikin games dan kuis dengan hadiah: Tolak angin cair! bener2 orang pinter!

Selain itu manajemen telah berhasil memberikan kita (wb, band yang main, dan tamu-tamu yang cuma pengen mabok), cukup banyak pitcher berisi beer yang membuat kami kembung. Overall, manajemen Wonderbra was awesome!

Band-band yang main juga sangat membuat acara menjadi hidup. SRKM (tai, panjang banget namalo), rela manggung di saat sepi dengan sangat kerennya. Sehingga walaupun keadaan lagi sepi, performa mereka yang maksimal menghasilkan banyak foto-foto yang yahud. Lumayan, dul, buat TP dan profil kalian.

Stereomantic dengan konsep fullbandnya juga mantabbb... banyak org berpendapat bahwa band ini ga nyambung dgn musik usungan Wb, namun ternyata, aura bluesnya cukup kental walau mereka membawakan lagu pop. Hail!

Rumput laut tampil dadakan lantaran Afamous (seperti biasa) telat be'eng. Namun gitar kopong dan suara yang merdu bak menikmati es rumput laut di hari yang panas ditengah polusi kota membuat kami semua senang...

Afamous (akhirnya muncul) dengan keluhan Johny T, "woi, ini alat siapa sih!? nyempitin!" secara Zeke and The Popo dah nyampe duluan ke TKP, dan menaruh banyak ampli di sondong. Still, tetep aja nggak ada yang bisa marah ama Afamous, mereka maennya ANJING-ANJINGAN! KEREN DAN GROOVY ABIES! (kalo jelek namanya kucing-kucingan)... soulful, and that male voice remind us of opa Elvis Pelvis w/ his pelvishly hip!

Zeke and The Popo...Not much comments, just: goddamn! they were skillful, soulful, richful (look at those equipment!), and Ouch-ful for the guys, cuz the vocalist got  the prettiest girl in da house.. (y'all know who he and she were rite? if you don't, start gowling around!)

The last band performing (supposedly)...
Wonderbra. It was the proudest day of my entire fucking life, and its not over yet. No further comment.

Namun acara belum berakhir. Setelah wonderbra ada band kolaborasi yang dinamakan 'all stars', terdiri dari cabutan semua band yang tadi maen. Yang maen siapa aja, gue dah agak-agak lupa. yg gue inget drummernya anak SRKM, gitarisnya ZATP, keyboardis dan bassist nya Afamous, dan Vocalnya Wb.  Sayang mereka cuma bawain satu lagu.

Setelah mereka selesai, gue berharap ada yang teriak 'ENCORE!'. Tetapi mereka malah ngmong bahasa indonesiannya, yaitu:"Gugun...Gugun...Gugun!!" Loh? sebagai anak sastra inggris, gue tahu kalo bahasa indonesianya encore itu kan 'lagi!' bukan 'Gugun'. Ternyata efek Global Warming sudah sangat parah, sehingga dewa-dewa Blues, Gugun and the Bluesbugs pada jatoh dari langit  yg berlobang dan hadir di launching. Dan yang paling ajaib: Mereka main! Gugun dan Ardi bassistnya, diiringi dengan dentuman drum Japra dari SRKM (gue sebutin nama drummer karena dia sangat beruntung bisa maen sama tuhan-tuhan), menutup acara dengan sangat fenomenal melalui lagu "Roadhouse Blues", dibantu oleh penyair Shamanic kita Gema Mawardi sebagai vokal ( dy lg trance berat bgt! jack pada patah macam ada highlander yg mati), seakan memberi kami selamat jalan di dunia rock n roll indonesia yg penuh dengan kemabukkan...

And indeed, it was the proudest day of my life. penonton yang ga terlalu ramai sehingga mainnya nggak terlalu keganggu, membuat kita merasa lagi selametan keluarga. Love u all guys!thanks dan maaf untuk semua kawan-kawan yang dateng dan ga disebutin di esei ini. You know who you are and how much we love you.

ps: gue belom ngomongin peran label LIMI di sini.sengaja ga gue omongin sebab ini tulisan bahagia bagaikan susu sebelangga. omongan label yang setitik nila bakal gue omongin di tulisan yang lain...

September 04, 2007
http://wonderbra.blogs.friendster.com/