I'm inviting everyone to read this piece: "Everyone Says I’m Running Away" from nomadicmatt.com

http://www.nomadicmatt.com/travel-blogs/everyone-say-im-running-away/
HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY! HEAR HEAR!

Wake up call

There's this girl I used to play with back then when I was I kid. She's my bestfriend's little step  sister. Her mother is my mom's bestfriend ever since I was still in her wombs. They're part of the family too no matter how different our families are. They lived in the rainy city where I used to stay there for weekends - to taste a life away from my parents - that was how I learned to be independent (and free) in such a young age. Through these girls' very cool family.

I was 14 while she was 11, but she's big - looks like a grown up - even looked more mature than me. Already been dating since then. Funny how hormones can change a girl very very early, huh? I still remember how we both used to talk about boys and how we were realy confused about our period. We're still in the process on 'woman - in the making'. Yea- those confusing awkward but so-much-fun moments. Long back then.

She then turned 18. Very beautiful. Bright skin, dark beautiful long straight hair. 180cm tall with bodilicious curves. My mom told her she should've been a catwalk model. She said she'd love too, but her mom said no.

That was about 1,5 years ago. Almost 2 years maybe. That was the last time I saw her.

Last night my mom told me that she's been very sick. And she has been through a lot of things in the past couple of years. Ok then. she's sick. But how sick can she be? What kind of things she's been through? I noticed that she's been quite a rebel. Well, she's amazingly a rebel. Came from a broken home - so when she had problems with her mom she can just run to her dad's - and vice versa. She had always been into a crazy kind of lifestyle.

My mom patiently told me... she has just lost her 3 month old baby some couple months ago, and now she's hospitalized. They just found out that she got HIV, even AIDS, most likely.

Jesus Christ. I didn't even know she's married! Let alone losing a baby and getting HIV!!!

So this is how the story goes. She went to the botanical university, but then she fell in love with a widow of 3 children. Her mom strongly against this relationship, for she was only 20yrs old. She then left school and ran away to her dad's place, and her dad let her marry this widow guy. They lived in Kalimantan and had a baby.

One day, her baby was sick. It was just like a flu, but the baby passed away in her arms on the way to hospital. Any mother will be depressed in such a tragedy, and she got sick -terribly terribly sick for weeks. From a small hospital to a bigger- and then another bigger one - they finally found out that she got HIV. And yes, she confessed that she did drugs.

My mom tried to describe her as how she's seen her in the picture the girl's mother showed my mom. She doesn't look like a 21 years old anymore. She looked like a 50 years old, my mom said. She's very skinny. She got pimples and wrinkles all over her alabaster complexion. Her long dark 'sunsilk' hair rapidly fell. And terribly dark eyes too.

It was last night when my mom told me about her HIV.

It was this night when my mom told me the girl has passed away this afternoon.

I had a simulacrum of flashbacks to my childhood. Of how we all talked about boys. Of how we all bitching at our enemies. Of how we complained about how our parents always told us not to do things we like. Of how difficult being a teenager is. Some part of me still can't believe that this is happening. Some part of me still think that this is some sort of a very sad fiction or soap opera. But this is real. This is life.

I didn't even have time to visit her and say goodbye.

This is a wake up call. My wake up call at the end of year 2009.

Wake up, Thera. This is life. Live your life. Now.

 

Rest in peace, dearest Kei (1988 - 2009)

WONDERBRA live tonight (22/12/09) at Black Hole Mother's Day - MU Cafe Thamrin at 9.30 PM. Sharing the stage with: Vendetta, Bonita, Lunar and Nubica. FDC: Rp 30,000

terperangkap dalam kotak kardus...

ANJING!!! LAGI-LAGI KLIEN BRENGSEK!!! (bukan klien sih yg brengsek.. tapi bagian FINANCE yang brengsek!!! ada apa sih dengan orang-orang kantoran???)

Menanti kata "Congratulations!"

"Thank you for your interest to our program..."

Malah kata-kata itu yang gue dapet dari sepucuk surat berkop Fullbright. Dari depannya aja gue udah tau, kalau berikutnya akan dilanjutkan dengan "Unfortunately, after reviewing your application, you are not eligible to bla bla bla..."Dan bisa dipastikan surat tersebut akan diakhiri dengan "We encourage you to apply again next year."

Terbukti sudah bahwa Fullbright tidak pernah merubah template surat penolakan beasiswanya selama 4 tahun... Apa? 4 tahun? Yup, sudah 4 tahun gue menerima surat yang sama dari Fullbright. Surat "rejection". Surat "coba lagi tahun depan". Surat "lo gak cukup cerdas dan keren buat nerima beasiswa kami". Surat "lo gak layak dapet beasiswa. Bokap nyokap lo kaya - kenapa lo gak bayar sendiri?" (2 yang terakhir itu gue ngarang lebay sih...) 

Mungkin yang keempat ini yang paling menusuk. Paling bikin down. Kenapa? Karena semuanya yang gue persiapkan tahun ini jauh lebih mateng dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya. Cover letter gue lebih menyentuh dan passionate. Surat rekomendasi dari dosen pembimbing gue bahkan sampe bikin gue menitikkan air mata pas gue baca. Nilai TOEFL gue makin tinggi -  deskripsi purpose of study gue semakin detail dan jelas. Tapi tetap ditolak!!! :'-(

 Akhirnya gue pun menciptakan teori-teori gue sendiri biar nggak terlalu kecewa dengan penolakan rutin setiap tahun... 

Ah, mungkin gue dianggap masih terlalu muda... 

Ah, jurusan yang gue pilih kurang 'sexy'... mana ada yang mao ngasih beasiswa buat belajar Literature dan Creative Writing?... 

Ah, mereka ngurangin jatah scholarship buat Master dan naikin jatah buat Ph.D... 

Ah, ini... Ah, itu...

Udah 3 hari ini mood gue berantakan... pusing mikirin masa depan yang makin gak jelas. Pengen sekolah ke luar negri tapi gak ada duitnya... Pengen sekolah di dalem negri tapi udah terlanjur tau busuknya... Pas akhirnya mao daftar di dalam negri... EEHHH gara-gara pekerjaan brengsek ini gue telat daftar lagi semester ini!!! Gak jodoh kali yah gue kuliah lagi... Hiks... Sedih banget liat temen-temen yang udah pada mulai kuliah lagi baik di dalam maupun luar negri...

Dan akhirnya hari ini gue buka e-mail... dan mendapat e-mail yang sudah seminggu ini gue tunggu-tunggu... yang gue baca sambil deg-deg ser...

Greetings from University of Oregon, 

Congratulations! 

This letter is to notify you that you have been accepted into the Winter 2010 online teacher training course with University of Oregon, Linguistics Department, American English Institute (UO AEI): Individual Learning Styles and Strategies in the EFL Classroom.

Your participation in this course has been made possible by a tuition scholarship from the Regional English Language Office (RELO) in the U.S. Embassy Jakarta.

WOW!! GOD BLESS YOU RELO!!!

Iya sih, ini cuma graduate online course 10 minggu... but this will do for now... this is what I really need for now... A letter that greets with "Congratulations!"... a letter that tells me that it is still possible for me to pursue a higher education.

Jadi semangat lagi... cari beasiswa lagi... baru juga berusaha 4 tahun, mumpung darah masih muda -ayo coba lagi tahun depan... dan depannya lagi... dan depannya lagi!!! :-D