Desperate Housewife

Dear IT Support,

Last year I upgraded Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a slow down in the overall performance,
particularly in the flower, gifts and jewellery
applications that had operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.o.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal
Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such
as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.

And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House
Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried
running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no
avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate Housewife

Reply:

Dear Desparate Housewife,

First keep in mind: Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try
entering the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and
download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0 ..

If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default
to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night
Beer 6.1.

Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create
SnoringLoudly. wav files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or
reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not
supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it
does have a limited memory and cannot learn new
application quickly.

You might consider additional software to improve
memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot
Tasty Food 3.0 and V-spa 6.9.

Good Luck,

IT Support